"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;
perplexed, but not driven to despair;
persecuted, but not forsaken;
struck down, but not destroyed."
2 Corinthians 4:8,9

This blog is an attempt to share the many sides of bipolar disorder with other sufferers and maybe even more importantly with those living with BP disorder. I trust my experiences can encourage and lift up those who may be feeling hopeless or alone.

Bipolar disorder is called many things by many people. (some not very nice either I am sure!)

The following are a few of the most common definitions:

bipolar disorder

–noun. An affective disorder characterized by periods of mania alternating with periods of depression, usually interspersed with relatively long intervals of normal mood. Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009. n.

A psychiatric disorder marked by alternating episodes of mania and depression. Also called bipolar illness, manic-depressive illness. The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2009 by Houghton Mifflin Company.  Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

But what does it all mean? I have spent the last 15 years denying that their was anything wrong with me. "I am totally normal!" I would proclaim while behaving in a totally inapropriate manner. My poor wife and children lived with a man who alternated between the hights of crazy fun and wild spending on luxuries and good living, and a miserable person who could only find fault in others and for whom nothing was ever good enough. As for work colleagues - I must often have been such a nighmare to work with. Although when I was high - I would have been everyone's best friend!

When did it all begin? I wish I knew. I am told by the medical world that Bipolar disorder is physiological - and not a psychiatric condition which can be "cured" through therapy. I do not claim psycholical knowledge, in fact I have always felt particularly disenchanted with psychology. (I wonder why!?)

As a child, I have a sister 7 years older than me, so we did not have much in common growing up. After she married and left home I was effectively an only child. My parents had sufficient funds for an easy lifestyle, a good school, and I never experienced lack as a child.

I remember huge rages as a child, and there are two times as a young teenager that I remember very intense thoughts about suicide and trying to work out how to commit suicide. I was very active in youth church, had a girlfriend I met in the church, but I remember no major transformations in me with regard to my faith, during this time. The rest of my adult life I was a very nominal Christian, but lived life to the full. My life was characterised by living on the edge and always being the last one to leave a party, a pub, an event whatever. I was often on a manic high - but conversely - I had major depressions as well.

I attempted suicide a number of times - and was admitted to hospital on 3 occasions for having almost succeeded! My heart stopped beating once and I was declared dead - before suddenly returning to life. Did God have a purpose for me which I was still to discover? I married, divorced, lived a bachalor life for 12 years - and was very wild, then married Michelle, found stability and a home, and found God again. I was reborn and baptised as the new Millenium started.